24 Hours from A Cats' Perspective

2:00 A.M- I stand outside the bedroom, singing the songs of my Ancestors. The Humans throw items at the door. Fine. I will leave them in peace... 2:05 A.M- I spot a shadow under the door. It is evil and must die. Loudly, I call for backup as I swipe at it with my paw. Suddenly,the Man opens the door and points a Water bottle at me. I run for the safety of the bunker behind-the-couch. The Humans cannot attack me here. 5:30 A.M- the Man wakes up and lets me in the room. Soon, however I am sent out again. Most unfair. I was just getting comfy. 8:00 A.M- My food dish is empty again. I inform the Woman by scaling her jeans. She dumps me on the floor saying NO. I fear I may starve. Don't they love me anymore?

10:00 A.M The Woman has gone out the door. I jump up onto her chair so it is nice and warm for her when she returns.

11:00 A.M Why The Woman is taking a long time returning. What has happened to her? While I lay in her chair thinking, I realise something- I DON’T CARE- I’m a CAT. Utterly content, I fall asleep. 12:00 P.M- The Woman has returned (hopefully to feed me), and has placed a large piece of cardboard on the floor. It is new so I approach it cautiously. The Woman has sprinkled some strange dust all over it. It smells strange. I don’t know the smell, but I like it. As I play with the cardboard and roll around in the stuff making the smell, I hear a new word- CATNIP. I like catnip- anything with CAT in it HAS to be good. 1:00 P.M- I am in a daze. I have no idea what happened. I go on a catnip fuelled rampage and suddenly anything I can find is a potential enemy and must be destroyed before the Humans get home. Then back to sleep... 400 P.M- I wake in a daze. There seems to be an evil ghost on the couch. I pounce on it and dig my claws into its’ belly. I must kill it and protect my Humans. They punish me. I am sentenced to solitary confinement in the bathroom. Why did they do this to me? I was only trying to protect them from an evil spirit. The bathroom is sheer terror to Catkind as it is where…the BATH lives. 5:00 P.M- I am let out of solitary for evening rations. I can't believe DOG gets fed first- Seriously, WHAT? All she does is slobber and chase her tail. SO unsophisticated! But when my sister and I are given our bowls they are filled with meat and a handful of the little rock pellets they call Kibble. I eat the meat and leave the rocks for later. 5:30 P.M- Woman picks up a long black snake. It roars evilly at her when she touches its belly, and sucks up everything in its' path. I think it is hungry and run away before I am eaten. Woman calls the strange snake "VACUUM" and says it's harmless. I am not so sure. 6:00 P.M- I decide that I must take a nap on the computer keyboard- while Woman is using it. I must make it difficult for her to use the computer. She gets up and I claim the chair in the name of Catkind. 6:05 P.M- I see a shadow looming over me. Woman is about to sit on me. Terrified I leap from the chair before I am crushed. I stalk away with my tail high in the air. This is Cat for "talk to the hand". I go to Man and jump on his lap. 8:00 P.M- The Humans are on the couch watching TV. I "accidentally" change the channel by walking on the Remote. The Humans are annoyed but I don’t care. 9:00 P.M- I am sitting on the floor when Human comes over. She pats her chest and calls me. I jump onto her chest and snuggle in for a good night cuddle. Time for me to go to sleep now, too- until 2:00 A.M, that is...